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RECEPTIONIST: Once I was waiting in the drive-thru and it was taking forever, and I knew
I was going to be late for work, so without even looking behind me, I flipped my car in reverse and slammed into the
car behind me. Now my dumb insurance company isn't getting back with me. |
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UNKNOWN SKEPTIC: I refuse to go to fast food restaurants. Haven't been to one in ten years.
Soon as the information started coming out about high fat, high sodium and high cholesterol I just stopped giving those
dope pusher thugs my money and moved on to health food. I've come to the conclusion that almost every food item out there is coated with cancer-causing chemicals thanks to the damn narrow-minded corporate fascists who'd rather make a dime at destroying civilization than figuring out how to make this a safer place for all of us to live. |
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CANDY: Oh, I never had a problem with fast food. I live off that stuff. It's so convenient to not have to cook every night. Don't believe all that bull that fast food is bad for you. It's actually very nutritious. I get my information from right wing talk shows that support corporate America's drive toward an all-strip mall society. Except for chronic diarrhea, I consider myself to be in perfect health. |
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COOL LEE: I don't pay attention to any of those false warnings about fast food. Food is food. I worry more about how the food tastes than whether or not it's good for me. I think you need to sample all the food groups but meat is definitely the most important. You need to eat a certain amount of red meat to get your proper vitamins anyway. That's why I concentrate on cheeseburgers and tacos. If you don't worry about it, guess what? Then fast food becomes a pleasurable experience and it makes me whistle the songs I hear in the commercials. |
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DJ YOYO JO-Z: The worst thing that ever happened to me at a fast food restaurant is I was eating fried chicken and I suddenly noticed the thing I was eating had whiskers sticking out of it. |
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MR. BIG BIZ: The only worries I have for the fast food industry is how we're going to reduce the amount of lawsuits from opportunistic consumers who may be practicing some type of fraud that involves, say, getting access to a severed human finger and using it to stage a fake event in a restaurant setting. Such a stunt can have an adverse effect on company profits. It's like tobacco. Let's crack down on all the frivolous lawsuits that are interfering with economic growth. |
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LEFT GUARD LARRY: Once some dumb fool mixed up my order and I had to go back and beat that fool upside his head. Because they thew my ass is jail, it turned out to be a nightmare. I should have just smacked him in the eye and got the hell out. Instead I stayed and bragged about it until the police arrived. I'll never eat at that stupid restaurant again. |
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JENNIFER: Ever since I read Eric Slosser's Fast Food Nation I've stayed away from all of that garbage that either makes you die young or makes you look old young. I try not to fall for any of the bad stuff. Oh, wait a minute. How can I forget? After I read the book I did go out for junk food one more time. It was the only time I can recall that I vomited in public and the cops arrested me because they thought I was drunk. |
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GOOFBALL GREG: Hey man, I found a finger in my chili once - and it turned out to be my own. I had lost a finger in woodshop earlier that day and put it in my shirt pocket. I guess I was bending over my chili getting some napkins and my finger fell in the chili. So it wasn't even a cooked finger that I bit in. It still had blood and sawdust all over it - but it didn't really taste that bad. It kind of tasted like chicken. |