TANGENT SUNSET

COMMON CREEPS by Alex Cosper

Do you believe the report that cigarette smoking can lower your I.Q.? (10/25/05)

respondent quote
RECEPTIONIST: Well, I do smoke, but I don't think my I.Q. is any lower now than it's always been.
UNKNOWN SKEPTIC: I'm not surprised. Everything about tobacco turns out to be bad news. I have never smoked, but I guess I learned the easy way. I just read the Surgeon General's warning on the side of the pack.
MR. BIG BIZ: Don't believe any of that. Tobacco companies keep getting hit with this negative propaganda from special interest groups. The truth is, tobacco represents American culture, simply because it was the original currency. So let's not be too hasty at dismissing our own heritage. Despite all the bad press, tobacco companies still make impressive quarterly earnings.
JENNIFER: I used to smoke when I was trying to be a cool teenager who gave in to peer pressure, but since I quit a few years ago, I've spent more time reading and learning things, especially about conspiracy theories. So in that sense, I am becoming more aware by not smoking.
BROKER BOB: I smoke just because the stock market makes me nervous every day. Like, yesterday the market rallied and today it pulled back. We can never seem to establish a consistent upward momentum. I would quit smoking in a heartbeat if the market ever went on a bull run. Something tells me, though, I'm gonna die of lung cancer before I win all my money back that I've lost the past four years.
SKULL MADISON: I'm a proud smoker. There's absolutely no truth to any of that "smoking will kill you" nonsense. Look at me, I've been smoking since the days of George Washington. Anyone been 'round as long as I have ain't no dummy.
WORKER JOE: Oh dude, I might have to agree. I smoke every day, not because I want to, but because my dumb brain tells me I have to. Now I'm a cigarette junkie for life and if I were smart, I would learn to re-word my thinking, but cigarettes won't let me do that either, because they give me such a cloudy mind.
COLLEGE STUDENT: Cigarettes are for people who don't know how to read warning labels. They're also for people who don't mind killing themselves the slow and painful way. They're also for people who don't mind being manipulated by corporations. So whether or not cigarettes make people dumber, it takes a certain dumbness to start smoking tobacco in the first place.
MOVIE BUFF: The reason I started smoking was to emulate all the sexy movie stars I've idolized over the years. I started out only smoking a cigarette a day, but now I'm up to three packs. It's good acting experience, actually. I think the more I smoke, the more practice it gives me to learn the most dramatic way to smoke - which will someday put me in the movies, I'm pretty sure.











© 2005 by Alex Cosper. All Rights Reserved.