TANGENT SUNSET

COMMON CREEPS by Alex Cosper

If you were John Kerry who would you pick as your running mate? (7/1/04)

respondent quote
HARRY S: I'd pick someone who would know how to handle a national emergency. Judging by what I've seen the past few years that rules out just about everybody. I'd recommend myself but it might make too many people roll over in their graves.
GREY DAVIDSON: Well, I think someone that's been a governor of a large state, say like California, would be a good pick. Maybe someone who has been out of work for awhile just to show that Kerry is in fact putting America back to work...
COLLEGE STUDENT: Senator Bob Graham of Florida would be a good choice. He's well-respected, he's not a warmonger and it would help the Democrats win Florida this time. Then again, they won Florida last time but somehow it's not about who gets the most votes that counts - it's who counts the votes.
WOMEN'S RIGHTS ACTIVIST: I strongly recommend that Kerry picks Hillary as his running mate. Kerry's not gonna win on his own, he needs a woman with charisma to put him over the top. If not Hillary, then I say we draft Oprah Winfrey. We need someone smart and popular - but most importantly, we need a woman.
JOHN SKERRY: Hillary Clinton would not be a good choice at all because then the Democrats would be losing a seat in the Senate and then New York's Governor Pataki, who is a Republican, would fill the seat with a Republican. I say the best choice is John Edwards, who can help the Democrats pick up Southern states.
BROKER BOB: Don't know, don't care. Bush will win by a landslide.
SINGER BOY GIRL: I think a Kerry-Nader ticket would be fabulous. That way there's no question where the party stands. Otherwise, I'll just vote for Nader since he's the only candidate that doesn't suffer from massive homophobia.
REAGAN DEMOCRAT: I think Kerry should balance the ticket with a Republican. John McCain would be a good choice. Even though Leiberman's a Democrat, he acts like a Republican, so I would think he would also help balance the ticket.
BOUNCER MIKE: I think all the Democrats are stupid and no matter who they pick it will just make their ticket weaker. I hope he picks Ted Kennedy, just to prove once and for all that liberals are washed up. I think there doesn't need to be two parties. Everyone should just be a Republican, which is what a true American patriot is all about.
MADAM OF THE PLANETS: I wouldn't mind seeing Howard Dean on the ticket. After all, that's who everyone wanted in the first place until the media made him look like a fool. In fact, I'm still hoping that Kerry will pull out of the race completely and just let Dean be the nominee. Taking our country back is indeed the first step in taking our planet back.
GORE SUPPORTER: I say put Gore on the ticket. He's already been on a winning ticket three times in a row and this would make it a fourth. On top of that he already understands what the job of Vice President entails, which is a lot more work than people think. Breaking tie votes every now and then is major work and I'd hate to see someone who lacks that experience take on the job.
GURU DION: Vice Presidents, historically, have been the weakest politicians in history and end up being forgotten or ridiculed. Humphrey was a warmonger who lost to that total loser Nixon. Agnew resigned in disgrace, Ford was a bumbling idiot who fell up the ladder then got bounced out. Mondale served his one term as VP then four years later lost in the worst landslide ever. Bush Senior went from VP to the White House but only served one term because he was a total failure. His VP Quayle was the biggest joke ever. Then Vice President Al Gore should have won the Presidency by a landslide but still found a way to lose. Cheney's horrible. So the short answer is there are no good choices.


all drawings © 2004 by Alex Cosper. All Rights Reserved.