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DAVE THE ATTORNEY: I'm delighted about recent legislation designed to curb spam. What's really exciting about it is that most people are unaware of it, which increases the chances of me defending more clients who
have unknowingly broken the law. I say the more illegal, the better, because that's how I make my living. Did you know that you can get three years in prison for sending 2500 fraudulent emails in a 24 hour period? It's a federal law that just passed called the Can Spam Act. Oh, you didn't know that? You better call my office right away and set up a consultation. |
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BRUTUS JONES: When I get spam it makes me want to grab my gun and shoot my computer.
Then I have to remind myself I'm smarter than the damn computer. Computers are the dumbest invention ever made. When I want to delete something it can't just do the job, it has to ask me "are you sure you want to delete this file?" Then I click yes and then the screen either freezes up or the computer pretends to delete the file but really it stores it somewhere on my hard drive where I can't find it anymore. So to answer your question, yes, spam should be illegal and so should computers all together because they're just a waste of time. I'd rather play Russian Roulette with my gun. |
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UNKNOWN SKEPTIC: Spam is useless and merely contributes to the sea of white noise across the internet. It's kind of ironic that a lot of the spam I get is from companies that are marketing spam-blocking software.
Then when I click the link that says "remove" all it does is take me to a page full of more advertising. I'm getting very
perturbed about this. It's almost worse than telemarketers calling me in the middle of dinner. I think there should be strict laws against sending spam. I think it should be a felony. If we don't nip this thing in the bud, the next thing you know
is we'll be spending more time deleting spam than we will be earning a living. If that happens, like I think it might, we'll see revolution in the streets and the government will have to declare martial law. |
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GOOFBALL GREG: I love reading spam. That's how I come across good deals, even if I can't figure out what they're about. Plus, no one else sends me email so spam helps keep me from getting bored. The great thing about spam is that it's a good way to get popular. Now over 3,000 people have my email address and they've sent me so much
spam I have to keep upgrading my email account. I now pay $300 a month to my ISP and something tells me that will double in a year. I don't care though, because I use a stolen credit card anyway and no one's said anything about it. I don't think spam should be illegal because that seems too unconstitutional. |
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DJ YOYO JO-Z: Yo, I send out lots of spam every day to get people to come to my gigs. That's part of the secret of how I'm one of the last DJs in the country to pack a dance floor every Friday night. I say keep it legal because it's all good. The more people know about my gig, the better it is for me and the better it is for them to know what the happening thing is. We can't go backwards and start makin' laws that don't help nobody. We can't outlaw spam just because a few losers don't know how to hit the delete key. If spam was so bad, how come my gigs are so good? |
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BROKER BOB: Online trading has become problematic for the economy in general. It's cut into my salary considerably. A lot of it has been sparked by independent financial firms sending out emails promoting various pie in the sky investments. But I should warn all investors to beware of such spam, because a lot of it contains fraudulent information. Yes, spam should be completely illegal except for established firms. We can't let these little guys out-market us big boys who build clientele through traditional media advertising. Email marketing is completely unfair to companies that spend millions of dollars to position themselves in the market. Oh well, if the little guys take over, it just means we'll turn into a third world country. Just thought I'd warn ya. |
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SKULL MADISON: Get rid of computers, the internet and all that other techno trash.
The only ones who should have access to such technology are military personnel and the intelligence community. I still
can't believe that evil moron Al Gore passed legislation to make the internet public. It was fine as a military tool
but now everyone and their mother has a voice in cyberspace. That's just another win for the terrorists and another handicap for the New World Order. Every time America has a chance to take over the world something pathetic like this happens. This country had such a brighter outlook when I was a soldier in the War of 1812. |
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JENNIFER: I don't use the internet at all, because it just seems like another way for the government to spy on us. I'm not a computer nerd anyway. How do you know when you flip on your computer that the government doesn't take a picture of you? And why wouldn't they if they could? Then when you read or send an email, why wouldn't they keep a record of it somewhere? I bet that's all Bush, Ashcroft and the CIA do is read people's emails just to invade people's privacy. That's why they came up with the Patriot Act, so that they can find out who's criticizing the government and then somehow make sure that person's vote doesn't count in the next election. |
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MADAM OF THE PLANETS: Spam is bad luck unless it involves the paranormal or the latest
information about UFO conspiracy theories. I sign up for as many newsletters as possible about these things. Usually the articles are really interesting and I end up forwarding them to the hundreds of online friends I have all over the world
that I've become acquainted with in chat rooms. If it's really interesting, then I cc it to all 535 members of Congress because I think they need to prepare us for an encounter with the extra terrestrial. So spam does have useful purposes,
and who knows? Maybe if I send out enough spam, cyberspace will meet outer space and I'll get a reply from an alien. World Contact Day will then be upon us. Yes, yes, spam is good! |
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COLLEGE STUDENT: I think the internet is a valuable educational tool but like
other technology it gets corrupted by greed. Spam should be illegal. It serves no purpose but for marketing fools to think they're reaching a wide audience for free. Luckily I use spam blocking, but some bogus emails still get through. When that happens I just reply with this warning: "You have sent unwanted spam and if you don't remove me from your list immediately you'll start receiving 10 gigabyte attachments of worthless graphics that will clog your email account for days. So think about that and while you're at it click any of the links below and get 90% off on all software products from
my extensive catalog of links that all point to a page that says congratulations, you're an idiot." |