TANGENT SUNSET CLUELESS RADIO by Alex Cosper

Clueless Radio is a fictional story about an alternative station failing in ratings and sales but experiences occasional flashes of success. At one time the station had great ratings and dominated the market but a new regime with a new focus has erased the station's influence in the market. What could they be doing that is so wrong?

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Chapter 6: "Spins For Sale"

When Heichman returned to work Wednesday afternoon he was furious. He had just met with Jennifer's father, Drew, the attorney. Jennifer, the ex-midday girl who claimed she quit after being "sexually harassed" by the consultant Paneela, was threatening a lawsuit against the station. Heichman stormed into his office then back into his private lounge where no one else was permitted. There, he kept several video monitors, where he could view station activities from the past and present. He was a strong believer in surveillance. Heichman had long ago installed video cameras all over the station. These cameras were by no means hidden. They were in plain sight but somehow they just blended with the scenery. Under each camera was a video surveillance warning notice.

Heichman was looking for last week's conversation between Paneela and Jennifer. This important evidence might pin the responsibility on Paneela instead of the station. That would clean up the mess considerably. Then Heichman could just fire Paneela and never have to deal with the issue again, in theory, except maybe to testify on Jennifer's behalf. The only other stipulation to keep the station from being sued would be to hire Jennifer as Program Director, even though the station just filled that position with the return of Bizz Barker. But Heichman already had his doubts about Barker and was already looking for an out three days into Barker's return.

Heichman found video but the conversation was drowned out by music coming from a radio or stereo, so now there was no evidence. He sat in his chair for about a half hour and then he came up with a great idea. He would call Paneela in for a meeting and just say that he had the archived evidence anyway. That might force Paneela into a confession on camera with clean audio this time.

Three hours later Paneela entered Heichman's office without a clue what the meeting was supposed to be about.

"Isn't the station sounding great?" Paneela said with a big smile, trying to set a positive tone.

Heichman looked serious. "I didn't call you in to talk about how the station sounds," he said grimly. "However, I want you to know that something very damaging has happened at the station and that there is clear evidence that you are responsible."

"What?" responded a horrified Paneela.

Heichman pulled out a blank video tape. "You must have forgotten that I've installed cameras around the station. Those cameras aren't just decorations. They are put there to document inappropriate activity. On this tape that I'm holding is your conversation with Jennifer last week. This is the evidence that clearly reveals how you improperly addressed the hiring process by making suggestive remarks."

Paneela sat in shock and embarrassment. "Uh uh, I don't know what to say, Wally."

"You're going to need a better defense than that," warned Heichman. "She and her father are talking about filing a lawsuit. A big one."

"Well...is it...a lawsuit against me personally or the station in general?"

"Now what do you think? Do I need to show you what's on this tape to refresh your memory?"

The tactic was working. Paneela was one dumb sucker. He felt the walls caving in so he started to talk. "Yeah...look. (long pause) I uh...realize that I acted unprofessionally with Jennifer."

"And then you lied about it," added Heichman.

"What do you mean?" Paneela asked.

"Yes you did, you lied to me in front of Bizz Barker about what happened to Jennifer. You made it sound like she quit because she had a problem. It turned out that you created the problem, now didn't you?" After a five second gap of silence Heichman raised his voice. "Answer my question. You created the problem, didn't you?"

Paneela exhaled. He began to hang his head and replied, "I'm sorry Wally. I didn't mean to let you down. But it was all in good fun. I didn't know she was going to react that way. I was only kidding around and she just took it the wrong way."

"Now why wouldn't you think that she would react that way?" asked Heichman.

"Because," Paneela nervously giggled. "I mean she's hot. You know how hot women are. They want the attention, but I swear I never touched her."

"You need to take a little more responsibility for your actions," advised Heichman. "Your job was to interview her for the job, not to make suggestive remarks. There is absolutely no justification for what you said. You told her in order for her to get the PD position she had to submit to you in an unnecessary and bizarre fashion. You violated company policy by even bringing that up. Unfortunatly you've left me with no choice but to let you go. Now, before I give you your final check and say goodbye what do you have to say for yourself?"

Paneela was near tears. "I'm really sorry Wally. You're right, I should never have said that to her." Heichman smiled at the confession he had been waiting for. Then he handed Paneela his check and wished him good luck as the former consultant was escorted out of the building by a security officer.

Heichman immediately called Jennifer's father to confirm he had secured the evidence necessary to direct the lawsuit against Jeff Paneela.

"Drew, I'm ready to discuss Jennifer's promotion to PD," Heichman told the attorney. "Paneela has been terminated and I've got a confession on video. Now we're willing to bring her in as PD as long as programming decisions are approved by our VP."

The attorney replied, "I think we're making progress here."

Heichman then got on the phone to Red Rosswick, the independent record promoter who approached him recently about "claiming the station" in exchange for the promo war chest.

"I'm glad you're interested," said Rosswick. "We can build a strong relationship together. It's a win-win situation all around. It's good for the station, the labels and myself."

"So how does it work?" asked Heichman. "Do you give the station the money upfront?"

"Well, we actually don't work that way," admitted Rosswick. "What we do is sit down with you and evaluate the station's promotional needs. From there we plan a budget. Then we fulfill those needs each week by getting the labels to deliver the necessary promotions. One way to maximize this arrangement to your advantage is to do a show. The first step is to nail down a good-sized venue. That's going to take about 20 grand. Total expenses might be 50 grand. But the payoff is that depending on ticket prices the show can generate up to a half million in revenue.

Heichman's eyes lit up. "This is very good. Would you be able to pull off a show of that magnitude?"

Rosswick laughed. "I can get you the bands. I would have to insist, however, that I held the hammer...or that your head of programming worked very closely with us to make this happen. Do you understand what I'm talking about? We don't tell you what to add. All we can do is report to you the adds that will facilitate the station's goals. It's always in the station's best interest to go with the records that give us the touchdowns and not the fumbles...Wally, you know what it takes to win. You know what I'm talking about. We're gonna provide you with the tools to make it happen."

Heichman nodded to acknowledge the praise. He then started to think about the idea. After a minute of silence Rosswick offered, "Wally, all of our stations have made money doing these shows. I can guarantee you it's the right choice. Think of how powerful your station is to the labels. They need your airplay. Records usually don't sell well if they don't get airplay. Your airplay directly creates value for their product. Now don't you think your station should share in the revenue that your station generates for that product?"

"Of course," said the GM. "I'm all for pay for play if that's what you're talking about."

"That's precisely what I'm talking about," confirmed Rosswick. "And we can make that happen...all within the rules of the game. Your station sells advertising and that's exactly what airplay is...pure advertising. We can get the labels to do time buys as well as contribute to the show. We can also get them to pay for increased spins on a record."

"I really like what I'm hearing," said an amazed Heichman.

Rosswick knew he was connecting with Heichman. "But remember," he warned, "your PD needs to work with us if this is going to work."

"I understand. Let's meet next Wednesday for dinner," said Heichman, expecting Rosswick to pick up the tab.

"I was hoping we could meet sooner, like tomorrow night. Your station needs help right away, and the sooner we get this rolling, the better for both of us."

"Right," said Heichman. "Then tomorrow it is."

The next night the GM and the record guy met for dinner. Rosswick closed Heichman early. It was a done deal.

On Friday Heichman called Bizz Barker into his office to explain things. He knew Bizz wasn't going to like it, but he didn't care. Heichman didn't see Bizz as anything more than a temporary replacement for Tim Jarz. He never bought into any myth surrounding the Bizz Barker legacy. In fact, he thought Bizz was rather naive about the emerging corporate culture that was sweeping the nation. For that, Heichman believed that if Bizz were left to do his thing, he would only pan out to be another embarrassment to the upper levels of Consolidated Broadcasting. In fact, Heichman hoped that he could push Bizz to resign in some type of ego-based protest.

"What's up?" asked Bizz, now well into his fifth day back on the job.

"Have a seat," said Heichman. "A couple of things...good news and bad news. The good news is we had to let Paneela go."

"I agree with that decision," said Bizz happily.

"The bad news is we're making another change in programming."

Barker's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Unfortunately, due to reasons I can't get into, we have to bring Jennifer back as PD."

"Why?" asked a grief-stricken Bizz.

"Well didn't you say yourself that she was your favorite jock?"

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with her taking my PD job?"

"Now, just calm down, Bizz. We're not letting you go, we just have to find you another position here. Maybe you'd just like to concentrate on music and be the MD."

"Why can't I be the consultant now that Paneela's gone?"

"Well, now," said Heichman, "I didn't think of that. That's a possibility."

"And if not that, how about OM? Why do I have to move down? I've paid my dues. And why does this have to happen anyway? Why is Jennifer coming back?"

"I told you, Bizz, for reasons that I can't explain. All I can say is that Paneela made some big mistakes that I have to correct. Unfortunately for you, that means bringing Jennifer back. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I was hoping that you'd be a little more mature about this."

"Who's being immature? I'll go along with this," Bizz said, sensing he was no longer in control of anything.

"I'd like to believe that, Bizz, but it seems like you're on a power trip."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you seem to think that you're the most important person here when what we really need is a team player." Bizz tried to respond but Heichman just kept on talking. "Furthermore, I didn't like your attitude this past week about our record friend Mike. I have spent years building a solid relationship with him and if I hadn't stepped in it could have all been blown to hell because of your reckless behavior."

Bizz didn't fall for it. He needed the job so he didn't say anything defensive or stupid to counter Heichman's peculiar argument. After about a half hour Heichman realized Bizz was being too nice of a guy so the conversation ended in limbo. Neither was sure how the Bizz Barker story was going to play out.

End of Chapter 6. Continue to Chaper 7.

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